1 00:00:04,279 --> 00:00:05,424 OK. So I'm Kim, 2 00:00:05,835 --> 00:00:09,073 a 15-year-old gay virgin obsessed with my best friend Sugar, 3 00:00:09,147 --> 00:00:10,451 the bling bike of Brighton. 4 00:00:10,753 --> 00:00:14,269 It isn't easy watching the girl you're in love with throw herself on anything with a dick. 5 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:18,529 It makes you consider stuff that you wouldn't normally, like date rape and things. 6 00:00:18,861 --> 00:00:20,624 Of course I didn't go actually through with it. 7 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,517 I accidentally almost killed my brother, which wasn't so bad. 8 00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:26,462 which at least got my fucked-up parents talking. 9 00:00:26,877 --> 00:00:27,994 And it got me a whole night, 10 00:00:28,066 --> 00:00:30,057 albeit a frustratingly platonic one, 11 00:00:30,387 --> 00:00:32,797 in the same bed as the woman of my dreams. 12 00:01:42,566 --> 00:01:44,451 Aren't you coming in ? It's lovely. 13 00:01:50,707 --> 00:01:51,495 Stella ? 14 00:02:02,636 --> 00:02:07,109 - Maybe we could go to the cinema later ? - Mmm... Busy. 15 00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:16,589 There comes a point in life when you have to stop deluding yourself. 16 00:02:18,484 --> 00:02:21,617 When you realise that the lies are getting you nowhere, 17 00:02:22,391 --> 00:02:27,245 tangling you further in your fucked-up knotted web of deceit. 18 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:29,838 It was time to make a break. 19 00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:32,664 It was time to come clean. 20 00:02:40,071 --> 00:02:42,337 The way I saw it, I had a simple choice. 21 00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:44,341 I could tell her... 22 00:02:49,193 --> 00:02:50,255 I love you. 23 00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,135 Or I could tell her that... 24 00:02:56,817 --> 00:02:58,352 It's over between us. 25 00:02:59,522 --> 00:03:01,398 We can no longer be friends. 26 00:03:03,330 --> 00:03:06,129 One way or another, I'd move things on between us. 27 00:03:06,605 --> 00:03:07,912 It coudn't go on like this. 28 00:03:08,473 --> 00:03:10,318 It was unhealthy, dangerous. 29 00:03:12,771 --> 00:03:15,205 I was becoming sexually obsessed. 30 00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:22,734 Well ? 31 00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:25,970 Are you gonna stand there gawping or you are you coming in ? 32 00:03:29,821 --> 00:03:30,653 Crabs. 33 00:03:31,451 --> 00:03:32,637 Vicious little shits. 34 00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:34,964 They're itching enough to drive me mental. 35 00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:37,743 Have I missed a bit on my back ? 36 00:03:40,939 --> 00:03:43,740 - Sod Darren. - You got them off Darren ? 37 00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:45,406 I don't know, do I ? 38 00:03:45,707 --> 00:03:47,092 They don't come with name tags. 39 00:03:47,878 --> 00:03:50,261 Bet the bastard will chuck us when he finds out. 40 00:03:51,878 --> 00:03:53,133 I think it was the Donkey. 41 00:03:53,411 --> 00:03:54,838 Darren's best friend ? 42 00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:57,155 Yeah. Always scratching his bits. 43 00:03:58,023 --> 00:04:01,383 Mind you, Ray isn't exactly an angel, is he ? 44 00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:08,010 Ray ? 45 00:04:09,262 --> 00:04:10,026 Sorry ? 46 00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:13,079 Ray, the doorman. Lost Vegas. 47 00:04:13,657 --> 00:04:16,588 Free entry and half-price drinks, he said. 48 00:04:17,019 --> 00:04:21,039 Didn't mention anything about the plague of muff nits being thrown into the deal. 49 00:04:21,447 --> 00:04:23,817 The situation was hardly romantic. 50 00:04:23,890 --> 00:04:24,817 So ? 51 00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:27,063 So ? 52 00:04:27,283 --> 00:04:28,399 What did you come round for ? 53 00:04:28,507 --> 00:04:31,945 Somehow my declarations of love weren't forthcoming. 54 00:04:33,836 --> 00:04:34,576 Nothing. 55 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:37,093 And l was booked for a Brazilian, Saturday. 56 00:04:37,387 --> 00:04:39,299 At least that way they'd have less to hang on to. 57 00:04:46,031 --> 00:04:48,100 It's flammable, you tit. 58 00:04:54,835 --> 00:04:58,382 There was something about the whole situation that made me uneasy. 59 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:03,410 I mean, I'd always known what Sugar was like with men. 60 00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:05,010 Hi, boys. 61 00:05:05,897 --> 00:05:07,181 And sex. 62 00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:09,885 All that stuff I said before about losing it. 63 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,856 I've always been too pissed to remember. 64 00:05:13,368 --> 00:05:15,397 But crabs ? Bush fleas ? 65 00:05:15,546 --> 00:05:17,762 She didn't even know who she'd caught them off. 66 00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:20,242 Sod Darren. The Donkey. Ray. 67 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,441 Was that the type of person I wanted to be with ? 68 00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:29,617 Infestation can be spread by a person sharing the same bed linen, towels, clothes. 69 00:05:29,906 --> 00:05:33,370 A person sharing the same... bed linen ? 70 00:05:35,351 --> 00:05:36,323 Oh, God. 71 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,930 Just when you thought life couldn't get any worse, 72 00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:45,389 you're a virgin with a sexually-transmitted disease. 73 00:05:46,953 --> 00:05:48,638 Thanks a lot, Sugar, you fucking... 74 00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:50,055 Supper's ready. 75 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,664 Seafood paella. 76 00:06:01,088 --> 00:06:02,965 Just leave what you can't eat. 77 00:06:03,949 --> 00:06:05,784 Stella ? You'd better eat before you go. 78 00:06:06,194 --> 00:06:08,791 If Elaine's that upset, I doubt she'll be cooking. 79 00:06:09,164 --> 00:06:09,859 Elaine ? 80 00:06:10,042 --> 00:06:11,612 A friend your mum met at the gym. 81 00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:13,409 Her mum's just died. 82 00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:15,733 Stella's helping her sort through her things. 83 00:06:17,438 --> 00:06:20,380 What are you wearing ? Are those my jeans ? 84 00:06:20,905 --> 00:06:23,502 Er... Thought I'd make an effort. 85 00:06:23,503 --> 00:06:24,426 Cheer her up a bit. 86 00:06:31,694 --> 00:06:33,607 Er... Give my condolences to Emma. 87 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,284 Will do. 88 00:06:37,368 --> 00:06:38,676 Sorry. Elaine. 89 00:06:40,378 --> 00:06:41,195 Hello ? 90 00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:46,859 Suspicious isn't a term you could use to describe Nathan. 91 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,847 But even his curiosity would have been raised 92 00:06:50,848 --> 00:06:52,727 by the sight of his 15-year-old daughter 93 00:06:52,794 --> 00:06:54,557 voluntarly doing the washing. 94 00:06:55,430 --> 00:06:56,202 Kim ? 95 00:06:59,968 --> 00:07:01,771 Er... What are you doing ? 96 00:07:03,706 --> 00:07:05,492 I'm boil-washing my belongings 97 00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:08,170 to kill the muff nits contracted from a platonic night 98 00:07:08,199 --> 00:07:10,916 of frustration with a girl of my lesbian dreams. 99 00:07:11,475 --> 00:07:12,285 Right... 100 00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:14,802 Why ? 101 00:07:15,974 --> 00:07:18,114 Er... You're... helping. 102 00:07:22,002 --> 00:07:25,095 Well, yeah. Someone's gotta do it. 103 00:07:26,731 --> 00:07:29,861 It's not like Stella ever lifts a finger around here. 104 00:07:30,954 --> 00:07:32,679 Your mum's out helping a friend. 105 00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:35,496 A friend ? 106 00:07:40,063 --> 00:07:41,365 I've had about enough of this. 107 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,892 I know you two don't see everything eye to eye at the moment, 108 00:07:44,955 --> 00:07:46,833 but I really think... Kim? 109 00:07:47,658 --> 00:07:48,395 Kim ! 110 00:07:56,385 --> 00:07:59,105 You could at least be more supportive of your mother. 111 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:07,201 When she's helping someone. 112 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,743 In their hour of need. 113 00:08:16,637 --> 00:08:17,491 Coming ! 114 00:08:24,563 --> 00:08:25,640 They're Kim's. 115 00:08:33,025 --> 00:08:33,909 Stella. 116 00:08:35,303 --> 00:08:36,844 We are not alone. 117 00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:40,782 Oh, God... You're crawling. 118 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:51,661 She... 119 00:08:53,781 --> 00:08:57,957 How many other housewives get your VIP services ? 120 00:08:58,007 --> 00:08:59,422 You're blaming this on me ? 121 00:08:59,983 --> 00:09:00,831 Who else ? 122 00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:02,775 Your husband. 123 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:04,225 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 124 00:09:05,329 --> 00:09:10,520 And before you say it, you're the first other man I have had for quite some time. 125 00:09:14,506 --> 00:09:15,465 God, look at you. 126 00:09:16,447 --> 00:09:17,523 What do you mean, look at me ? 127 00:09:18,161 --> 00:09:18,930 Should have known. 128 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:23,738 All right, fine. Fine. Show me one. 129 00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:25,941 I'm sorry ? 130 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,310 Crab. See any ? 131 00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:32,076 So ? 132 00:09:32,254 --> 00:09:33,140 No lice. 133 00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:35,500 Doesn't mean anything. They're like nits. 134 00:09:35,911 --> 00:09:36,918 They like hair that's clean. 135 00:09:40,004 --> 00:09:42,446 Ha ! What's that ? 136 00:09:45,558 --> 00:09:46,602 Hang on. Where are you going ? 137 00:09:47,663 --> 00:09:48,773 The chemist. 138 00:09:48,842 --> 00:09:50,223 Who pays for the suite ? 139 00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:01,192 Oh, shit. 140 00:10:24,799 --> 00:10:27,679 Stella washing her own clothes ? 141 00:10:27,848 --> 00:10:28,972 Are those my jeans ? 142 00:10:30,173 --> 00:10:31,298 Oh, my God... 143 00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:45,875 Stella ? Um... What are you doing ? 144 00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:47,856 What does it look like ? 145 00:10:51,948 --> 00:10:52,995 But you never... 146 00:10:55,492 --> 00:10:56,794 Cottons on D. 147 00:10:56,795 --> 00:10:59,063 Yes, I know how it works. Thank you. 148 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,090 Work, you bloody thing ! 149 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:11,706 How was Elaine ? 150 00:11:20,183 --> 00:11:23,786 This wasn't really the kind of situation you could prepare yourself for. 151 00:11:25,099 --> 00:11:27,784 Giving your mother an STD ? 152 00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:34,342 With 120 million red crabs migrating overland, 153 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,903 it's hard to avoid them. 154 00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:38,475 The island's coastal rainforests 155 00:12:38,476 --> 00:12:40,370 also play host to the crabs. 156 00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:43,153 Here, they face fewer dangers. 157 00:12:46,485 --> 00:12:50,350 The migration which lasts several days happens at the same time every year. 158 00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:56,599 It hits Christmas Island, so-called because it was discovered on Christmas Day, 159 00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:59,228 just as the festive season gets underway. 160 00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:00,749 Can you smell something ? 161 00:13:01,225 --> 00:13:02,574 Hair remover. 162 00:13:02,575 --> 00:13:07,250 The invasion causes havoc for the human population of the Australian territory. 163 00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:10,374 Even schools have to get used to the unwanted visitors. 164 00:13:11,945 --> 00:13:13,450 While it can be a nuisance, 165 00:13:13,516 --> 00:13:16,678 it's also an impressive sight and considered by many 166 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,945 to be one of the great wonders of nature. 167 00:13:34,818 --> 00:13:36,096 Kim ? 168 00:13:42,368 --> 00:13:43,604 Can we talk ? 169 00:13:44,244 --> 00:13:45,290 Oh, God. 170 00:13:55,363 --> 00:13:56,895 I couldn't help noticing. 171 00:13:57,269 --> 00:13:59,916 Downstairs and then the washing. 172 00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:01,952 Stay calm, stay calm. 173 00:14:02,313 --> 00:14:04,311 Don't give anything away. 174 00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:07,207 Oh, my poor baby. 175 00:14:09,626 --> 00:14:10,826 What have I done ? 176 00:14:11,683 --> 00:14:13,074 What have you done ? 177 00:14:14,466 --> 00:14:15,663 Sleazy... 178 00:14:19,394 --> 00:14:22,348 We all do silly things. 179 00:14:22,783 --> 00:14:26,501 And um... these things lead into situations 180 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,220 and these situations have consequences, 181 00:14:29,221 --> 00:14:31,497 consequences we didn't foresee at the time, 182 00:14:31,508 --> 00:14:34,540 and these consequences can affect others 183 00:14:35,014 --> 00:14:37,642 in a way that we had no idea. 184 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:38,994 I mean, I never dreamt... 185 00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:48,745 Kim ? I... 186 00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:53,509 This was turning into a very interesting situation. 187 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,298 Dale... 188 00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:02,387 I wasn't thinking. 189 00:15:02,388 --> 00:15:06,219 I borrowed some of your clothes and I may have... 190 00:15:07,459 --> 00:15:09,144 have given you crabs. 191 00:15:09,145 --> 00:15:11,675 This was too good to be true. 192 00:15:12,107 --> 00:15:13,309 But they're not dangerous. 193 00:15:13,708 --> 00:15:16,820 They're unpleasant but treatable. 194 00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:19,849 - It's very simple. - I already have. 195 00:15:20,399 --> 00:15:21,333 Right. 196 00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:32,265 Kim, love. 197 00:15:36,552 --> 00:15:38,131 You won't tell your dad ? 198 00:15:44,816 --> 00:15:46,817 You're to stop borrowing my things. 199 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,683 They look fat on you anyway. 200 00:15:50,731 --> 00:15:52,307 And you're to stop seeing him. 201 00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:53,526 Dale ? 202 00:15:54,318 --> 00:15:56,666 It's over. Finished. Simple as that. 203 00:16:03,655 --> 00:16:04,893 I'd rather not. 204 00:16:06,286 --> 00:16:07,945 Cross infection. 205 00:16:46,668 --> 00:16:48,098 I can't seem to stop itching. 206 00:16:50,799 --> 00:16:52,648 That's the thing about infections. 207 00:16:53,127 --> 00:16:57,491 Just when you think you've got them under controm, they spread like bushfire again. 208 00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:08,005 Dad ? 209 00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:16,536 Night. 210 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,165 Good night. 211 00:17:29,242 --> 00:17:32,136 - You can't deny it. - What are you on about ? 212 00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,822 - Don't sit there like it's nothing. - It is nothing. 213 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:40,267 You have given me an STD which means you have slept with someone else. 214 00:17:41,388 --> 00:17:44,570 - Keep your voice down. - Did you sleep with someone ? 215 00:17:45,084 --> 00:17:46,133 Stella, have you ? 216 00:17:46,531 --> 00:17:48,228 - Be rational. - Rational ? 217 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,942 How rational do you want me to be ? 218 00:17:50,151 --> 00:17:51,277 For Christ's sake ! 219 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:53,335 Tell me how this happened ! 220 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:54,750 You're jumping the gun. 221 00:17:55,993 --> 00:17:57,800 The evidence is all over me. 222 00:17:57,801 --> 00:17:59,837 - They're crabs, Stella. - You don't know that. 223 00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:02,742 Pubic lice, passed on through sexual contact. 224 00:18:02,946 --> 00:18:04,030 Could be scabies. 225 00:18:04,086 --> 00:18:05,973 You might have picked it up at the office. 226 00:18:06,191 --> 00:18:07,813 Oh, for fuck's sake ! 227 00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:09,029 Keep your voice down. 228 00:18:09,734 --> 00:18:10,629 The kids. 229 00:18:12,601 --> 00:18:15,045 Stella, you... you are the only person 230 00:18:15,046 --> 00:18:17,540 hat I have slept with in 18 years. 231 00:18:18,435 --> 00:18:21,462 Now, can you please just tell me what's going on here ? 232 00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,463 Nathan, I... 233 00:18:38,353 --> 00:18:39,974 I've been seeing... 234 00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:43,211 sleeping with someone else. 235 00:18:44,754 --> 00:18:45,803 Dale. 236 00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,830 What ? The de... The decorator ? 237 00:18:58,849 --> 00:18:59,704 Oh, God. 238 00:19:02,657 --> 00:19:03,754 No, please... 239 00:19:06,028 --> 00:19:08,523 Please, no. Not him. 240 00:19:10,409 --> 00:19:12,330 Not the decorator. No. 241 00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:28,910 I promised myself I wouldn't see Sugar. 242 00:19:35,138 --> 00:19:36,812 At least not until I'd plucked up the courage 243 00:19:36,813 --> 00:19:38,816 to tell her how I really felt about things. 244 00:19:43,443 --> 00:19:47,885 It was just that right now she was the only person I wanted to see. 245 00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:49,326 Sugar ? 246 00:19:53,117 --> 00:19:55,363 Kim ? Sshh... 247 00:19:56,485 --> 00:19:58,605 It's OK. Sshh... 248 00:20:03,352 --> 00:20:04,285 It's OK. 249 00:20:15,365 --> 00:20:18,163 Tango, Pro Plus and vodka. 250 00:20:19,058 --> 00:20:20,449 That'll fix you up a bit. 251 00:20:25,038 --> 00:20:26,279 Think she'll leave ? 252 00:20:30,641 --> 00:20:32,259 What is with those flowers ? 253 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,149 Ray. Donkey. 254 00:20:41,427 --> 00:20:44,226 I gave them the fifth degree and made them feel well guilty. 255 00:20:44,625 --> 00:20:46,665 Passing their filth on to an underage girl. 256 00:20:47,710 --> 00:20:49,748 I mean, I'm vulnerable, aren't I ? 257 00:20:51,026 --> 00:20:52,264 I threatened to tell the police. 258 00:20:57,770 --> 00:20:59,045 Teddy bear's from Daz. 259 00:20:59,901 --> 00:21:01,978 Probably won it on the pier, the cheap git. 260 00:21:02,454 --> 00:21:05,330 If he don't do better next time, he's finished. 261 00:21:06,148 --> 00:21:08,606 Sugar was still totally shameless. 262 00:21:08,953 --> 00:21:11,216 It never occurred to her that this was her fault, 263 00:21:11,217 --> 00:21:14,596 that her crabs had put my family in crisis. 264 00:21:15,302 --> 00:21:18,442 Fucking hell. A virgin with an STD. 265 00:21:21,451 --> 00:21:23,455 It's always the same with you, innit, Kim ? 266 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,356 All the pain without the pleasure. 267 00:21:30,036 --> 00:21:32,720 - Did you do yourself ? - Yes. 268 00:21:33,082 --> 00:21:35,232 - Are you sure ? - Yes. 269 00:21:35,824 --> 00:21:38,049 Well, not very well, by the looks of things. 270 00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,175 Right. Togs off. 271 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,859 Come on. l'll do the difficult bits. 272 00:21:51,149 --> 00:21:52,997 I'm not having you giving it back to me. 273 00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:58,793 She was living proof that no matter how bad things are, 274 00:22:02,852 --> 00:22:06,946 you could turn any situation to your advantage. 275 00:22:14,515 --> 00:22:15,787 Are my hands too cold ? 276 00:22:15,844 --> 00:22:17,654 No. No, they're fine. 277 00:22:17,827 --> 00:22:19,827 Can you just go further down my back ? 278 00:22:20,493 --> 00:22:21,426 There ? 279 00:22:21,482 --> 00:22:22,049 Just a bit more. 280 00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,025 There ? 281 00:22:23,026 --> 00:22:28,026 Synchronization and corrections Lucile76 282 00:22:30,027 --> 00:22:32,027 Tracklist : "In The Summertime", Mungo Jerry "Bushes (Norman Cook Edit)", Markus Nikolai 283 00:22:32,028 --> 00:22:34,028 "Ageing Young Rebel", DJ Food feat. Ken Nordine "Return Of Djang", Asian Dub Foundation "Look-Ka Py Py", Meters 284 00:22:34,029 --> 00:22:36,029 "Rock Lobster", B52�s "Fever", The Cramps 285 00:22:36,030 --> 00:22:38,030 "Paul�s dance", Penguin Caf� Orchestra "Misread", King�s Of Convenience